From Religion to Relationship: How I Truly Found Jesus
My Journey From Going Through the Motions to Living in God’s Grace
For most of my life, if you had asked me whether I was a Christian, I would have confidently said yes. After all, I had been baptized at eight years old. I grew up in church. I knew the songs, the sermons, the rituals, the rhythms. I was there every Sunday and twice during the week—faithfully ushered in by my mother, who was the heartbeat of our family’s spiritual routine.
But while my body was in the church, my heart was not.
For thirty-three years, I lived in a cycle of religion without relationship. I played the part. I showed up. I participated in the motions that looked holy on the outside, while on the inside I was lost, hurting, empty, and unchanged.
A Life That Looked Christian—But Wasn’t
Even though church was a regular part of my schedule, my lifestyle told a very different story. I was clubbing on Saturday and clapping on Sunday. I was lying, gossiping, tearing others down—even those in the body of Christ. I was prideful, self-focused, and spiritually asleep.
My faith wasn’t just weak—it was nonexistent.
My Bible stayed closed unless a pastor told me to turn to a verse.
I didn’t pray unless I was desperate.
I didn’t repent because I didn’t feel convicted.
I didn’t forgive because I didn’t want to let go of old wounds.
Looking back now, I realize that I had church in my schedule, but I didn’t have Jesus in my heart.
Then everything changed.
When the Church Fell Apart—So Did I
The breaking point came when the pastor of my home church—and his entire family—fell from grace. It shook the foundation of everything I thought I believed. I had placed too much faith in people, too much trust in leadership, too much identity in position. When they fell, I fell with them.
I was devastated, confused, and questioning everything.
Who was I?
What did I believe?
Where was God in all of this?
I didn’t know then that sometimes God allows things to be shaken so what is unshakeable can finally stand.
But in that season, all I felt was loss.
Pain After Pain: When Life Felt Like It Was Falling Apart
Right in the middle of my spiritual crisis, my mother passed away in 2002. She had always been the anchor of my faith journey—even when my faith wasn’t truly my own. With her gone, my connection to church broke completely. I stopped attending.
The next year, my father passed away. Another blow.
The year after that, I lost my job of fifteen years—the job I had idolized, the job I had sacrificed my marriage for, the job that had become my identity.
Everything I had built my life on was crumbling beneath me.
The church I trusted failed me.
My parents were gone.
My career disappeared.
My heart was shattered.
I felt abandoned.
I felt empty.
I felt completely lost.
But God was working, even in the darkness.
God Met Me in the Most Unexpected Place
In the middle of my grief and confusion, something unexpected happened. My mother-in-law—the same woman I had a strained, difficult relationship with—invited me to her church. The irony wasn’t lost on me. I didn’t want to go. Honestly, I almost refused.
But I went anyway—more out of routine than desire.
And that is where everything changed.
That day, I didn’t meet church.
I met Jesus.
Not the Jesus I grew up hearing about from a distance, but the living Savior who knew me, saw me, and loved me in the deepest places of my brokenness.
I invited Him into my heart.
I repented.
I asked Him to forgive me.
I surrendered my life—fully and truly—for the first time.
In that moment, I realized:
God had been removing people, places, and things
so I could finally see Him clearly.
A Changed Heart, A Changed Life
The biggest transformation in my life wasn’t external—it was internal. God began to heal, restore, and rebuild areas of my life that had been broken for years.
My Marriage Was Strengthened
My husband and I have now been married 43 years. We’ve walked through storms that should have destroyed us, yet we stand stronger than ever. He is truly God’s gift in my life.
My Family Was Restored
The relationship with my children deepened in ways I never expected. God softened my heart, opened my eyes, and taught me how to love them with patience and grace.
My Mother-in-Law Became My Second Mother
Only God could take a relationship once filled with tension and transform it into one of love, respect, and closeness. She has become a blessing to me—proof that God heals even the relationships we think are beyond repair.
The Holy Spirit Became My Guide
I now feel God’s presence in my everyday life.
I hear His voice redirecting me when I slip into old habits.
I sense His peace pulling me away from chaos.
I feel His conviction—not to condemn me, but to grow me.
My life is not perfect, but it is surrendered.
Grace Carried Me When I Didn’t Deserve It
When I look back at the life I lived—the choices I made, the pride I carried, the roads I should have never walked down—I am overwhelmed by God’s grace.
There were so many times I could have lost my life.
So many times I could have lost my marriage.
So many times I could have lost myself.
But God never left me.
He waited for me.
He protected me.
He preserved me.
He called me—gently, patiently—until I finally surrendered.
And now?
I have peace.
I have joy.
I have purpose.
I have Jesus.
Even when I don’t understand what I’m going through, I trust Him.
Because now I know—deep in my soul—that He has always been faithful.
I know my mother would be proud of the woman I am today.
Final Thoughts
My journey taught me something I will never forget:
Church attendance is not salvation.
Routine is not relationship.
Religion is not redemption.
I was baptized at eight…
But I didn’t meet Jesus until I was broken, empty, and ready to surrender.
If you feel lost…
If you're going through the motions…
If your heart feels far from God…
If life has shaken everything around you…
Hear me:
It is not too late to invite Jesus in.
He has been waiting—patiently, lovingly, faithfully—for you.
Just like He waited for me.
Reflection Questions
Use these questions for personal journaling, small groups, or simply to go deeper into your own walk with Christ:
Looking back at your own life, have you ever confused routine with relationship?
What areas has God been inviting you to surrender more deeply?Think about a time when everything felt like it was falling apart.
Where can you now see God’s hand gently guiding you through it?What “idols” or misplaced priorities (work, people, status, relationships) have you had to let go of to truly follow Jesus?
In what ways has God transformed your relationships—marriage, family, friendships—just like He did in my testimony?
What part of your story have you been afraid to share?
How might your testimony encourage someone who feels lost or broken today?How has the Holy Spirit been prompting you lately?
Are there habits, mindsets, or wounds He is gently asking you to release?If Jesus asked you right now, “Do you know Me, or do you just know about Me?”—how would you answer?
What steps can you take to draw closer to Him today?
Closing Prayer
Father God, thank You for never giving up on me—even when I was far from You, distracted by the world, or walking in my own way. Thank You for Your mercy, Your patience, and Your relentless love that pursued me even when I didn’t know I needed saving.
Lord, I pray for every person who reads this testimony. Touch their hearts. Open their eyes. Reveal Yourself to them in the middle of their pain, confusion, or searching. Remind them that routine can never replace relationship, and that You long to walk with them, speak to them, guide them, and heal them.
Where there is fear—bring peace.
Where there is brokenness—bring healing.
Where there is confusion—bring clarity.
Where there is emptiness—fill them with Your Spirit.
Help us all to surrender fully. To trust deeply. To follow You boldly.
Thank You, Jesus, for being the God who rescues, restores, and renews.
We give You all the glory. Amen.